The first thought I had was, OMG!
And I jumped and shrieked for joy in my mind. But on the outside, I was still quite composed haha.
In this post, I shared that the hubby and I felt that it was time for us to try for another baby. So we did. But we weren’t very uh, diligent, if you get what I mean. Only once. *tries to be cryptic*
So I told him, well, if we do get pregnant, we are very very lucky. I kinda didn’t really expect to get pregnant from that once, but since we did try, there was that possibility.
We continued life like normal for the next few weeks. I had my period symptoms, but no period.
But again I thought, we might not be so lucky. Even though, deep within, I kinda suspected maybe we were.
Still I put off the pregnancy test, for a few reasons. 1) It’s more accurate when I’m further along anyway. 2) I was nervous. I was nervous about getting pregnant. I was nervous about not getting pregnant. I didn’t know what I want and I didn’t know how to feel about both. Some days I really REALLY wanted to have another baby. Some days I think, maybe we were not ready.
Finally. After being late for about a week, and after feeling hungry all the time, and after feeling tired all the time, and after feeling irrationally irritable sometimes, and after feeling a bit of the pregnancy symptoms (i.e. dizzy when I stood up quickly, heightened sense of smell, other physical symptoms), I decided to just get that dang pregnancy test done, so at least I would know if I could still eat sashimi.
No more sashimi.
Yup. Definitely no more sashimi.
And a few weeks later, we saw its little heartbeat.
I am super happy and am so grateful that God has given us another baby! But almost immediately after seeing that positive line, I was washed over by fear and worry too.
Medically, I am considered a high risk mother. Mentally, I remember having and losing Alexa. Emotionally, I can still feel the pain.
Many around me expect me not to be as worried this time around, since Amy was born alive and well. I guess in a sense it’s true. Every time I look at Amy, I remember God’s promises and assurances. Still, I can’t explain the fear that still grips my heart. I guess the fact remains that Alexa happened.
I laid my hands on my belly and prayed for baby number three, confessing that this baby will be well and healthy, that he/she will develop and grow normally and healthily, and he/she will be born alive and well, and he/she will be a great sibling to Amy.
I wish I could be a carefree mom, chilling and relaxing since this is already my third pregnancy. Oh well. It will no doubt be another battle of my mind throughout this journey, but I will do it. And with God by my side, I will believe for another victory.
If you could pray and confess along with me, I would very much appreciate that.
I’m now entering my second trimester. This being my third pregnancy, it’s really not easy to conceal anymore; I look like I’m 5 months pregnant. But like my MIL said, why would I want to hide? Being pregnant is a happy news! I agree. 🙂
This pregnancy saw the return of my evening sickness. I was very nauseous in the evenings, and many nights I couldn’t really down my dinner. Fortunately though, there was no throwing up. The fatigue was also quite bad. And weirdly enough, every time I thought about social media, I felt nauseous too! Haha! That explains why I was relatively absent from social media for the past weeks.
My cravings went haywire too. I would very specifically want to eat iced desserts, or salty snacks, or spicy food.
Sometimes I would feel a tad guilty for not giving baby number three enough attention, as Amy is more than a handful. Then the hubby said, how would you give baby number three attention??
Well, I don’t know… Maybe more tummy rubs, more talking to baby, and just more daydreaming about baby??
I have been telling Amy that she’s going to be a big sister, and that there is a baby in mama’s stomach. She could repeat that, but I doubt she understands what that means.
I look at her and feel so much love. Then I wonder if I would be able to love baby number three the same. Or if I would love Amy less when baby comes. But a lot of my mama friends have assured me that I won’t. Somehow, I would be able to increase my capacity to love instead.
I love having babies. If only the journey of being pregnant was not so harrowing and tough emotionally, I would love to keep getting pregnant haha.
But for now…
Father I pray for baby number three. Thank You so so much for giving me this gift of life. I pray that baby number three will continue to grow and develop healthily and normally, that this pregnancy will be smooth and free from complications, that baby number three will be born alive and well at full term. Amen.