Thou shall not lie… to your kids

A few nights ago, the hubby told me that a friend of his was telling him how exasperated she was because her young son has started lying to her. She was incredulous; where did he learn to lie at such a young age? (I think he is 3 or 4 years old) She said she and her husband never told him lies, so how did he pick up this bad habit?

My first response was that kids don’t need to be taught how to do wrong. The sinful nature is within each and every one of us and we would somehow know how to do wrong things even without being taught.

However, after thinking about it more, I turned to my hubby and said, “Actually it is not true that parents do not teach their kids how to lie.”

Think about it. How many times have your parents told you a “white lie” when you were growing up?

For example:

“If you’re naughty again, the policeman will come here and catch you.”

“If you are good, I will buy you all the toys you want.”

These lies may not be big, bad lies. But they are lies nevertheless.

And I do not blame parents (or even grandparents). Because sometimes it’s easier to throw out these white lies to get the kid to behave, rather than spend a long time explaining and disciplining.

But here’s the thing:

Your children see what you do more than they hear what you say, and they follow your actions more than obey your words.

So if you tell them “do not lie”, but they see you doing it all the time to them, guess what they would do?

They can’t differentiate a white lie and a bad lie. A lie is a lie. If you said you will get them that toy but you didn’t, it’s a lie. If you said you will let them watch the iPad if they finish their dinner but you didn’t, it’s a lie.

And once you have made that first lie, it breaks their trust in you. They will now know that your word is not your bond. They will have that feeling of “Yea whatevs, that’s what my dad or my mom said, but they always say that. Pfft.”

That is why, as far as I am able, I am determined not to bluff Amy in any way. Every reward that I dangle in front of her, or any threat that I make, I have to follow through. Which is why I do not threaten lightly, and I do not offer a reward easily.

If I tell her, “If you throw down the toy again, you cannot play with it today”, then I have to make sure I follow through if she throws it down again.

If I promise her that she “can watch iPad if you let mummy shower you now”, then I have to honour my word, even if she forgets about it after shower.

If you don’t think you can carry out a particular threat, then do not even say it! Resist all temptation and swallow it back down. For example, “If you are naughty, I will burn all your toys!”

Number one, I don’t think you would actually burn all the toys, which would then make your statement a lie, and then cause your kid to undermine you.

Number two, if you do burn all the toys, I think it’s too harsh an action and your kid would probably think you are mad. And think of all the money you just burned.

Finally, never assume that your kid doesn’t understand what you are saying anyway and therefore you don’t really have to follow through. Your kid is smarter than you think, and from as young as they are, they are already learning values and principles from you.

 

Love,

Nat

Moms Connect Hi-Tea

Last weekend, the mothers in my church met up for a Moms Connect Hi-Tea event at HOPP Cafe, Sunway. This was probably the third or fourth event organised by my church for mothers, and I enjoyed every one of them, including this.

There is something special about mothers meeting up together, especially when we share the same values and goals. Some of us were new mothers, some were mothers of grown children, and some were expecting moms. All from different walks and seasons, but it was a beautiful time of connecting and sharing (and complaining haha) about our motherhood experiences.

I also appreciate the candid and honest sharing by Diana, wife of one of our pastors. She talked about how when she first became a mom, it was all about survival. She rushed from one state to another, and by the end of the day, she was more than exhausted. Then the next day, the whole cycle repeats itself. After awhile, you really could lose yourself. That really resonated with us all.

So she reminded us to not just survive, but to truly live through and enjoy each moment. Also, do not underestimate the power and influence we have over our family as mothers. Intentionally set out to build a good culture in our family. Instil the five core values in our family – excellence, generosity, honour, attitude and gratefulness.

Mothers, let’s keep doing our best and not grow weary in doing good!

 

Love,

Nat

Happy Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is just around the corner, and this year would mark my 2nd celebration as a mom. Motherhood is by far the greatest privilege and role I have taken on, and nothing else can even compare to it.

The hubby and I have been thinking about trying for another child. I would love to be able to have another baby, and to give Amy a younger sibling to play with. In fact, in my ideal world, Amy would have TWO more younger siblings! (The me 10 years ago would have fainted at that. Never would I have thought that I would love having children!)

Having said that, I am also completely contented if Amy were the only one with us. She is God’s gift to us, and has brought so much joy to our lives. I am already very grateful to have her.

Amy3

Thinking of going through another pregnancy has reopened the floodgates of emotions, but at the same time, I am also quite excited about adding another member to our little family.

Well, I guess all we can do is try, and if God gives, God gives.

On that note, happy Mother’s Day to all fellow mamas!

 

Love,

Nat