This post was written after Amy was born on 18th June 2014 in my previous blog.
It’s been awhile since my last post.
What I’ve never revealed here was that my gynae had set last Wednesday for my induction. I was to be admitted into the labour room at midnight, and be induced for vaginal birth.
I had (not so) secretly been hoping that I would go into labour without the induction, for several reasons: a) it seems better if baby number two came out on her own without being “forced”; b) induction brought back tonnes of memories.
When we found out that Alexa had passed away in my womb, I was also induced for vaginal birth. So this time, the day before being admitted into the labour room, I was highly tensed and emotional. I kept thinking about a year ago: the night before I was admitted into the labour room, I was crying my eyes out and praying so hard that Alexa would be alive. When I went to the hospital, I was tired of hoping yet refused to give up believing. When I finally delivered Alexa, the room was quiet – no cries, no screams, no happy “Congratulations”. When I was discharged from the hospital, I went home alone, without my Alexa in my arms. When I reached home, all the baby items had been cleared from visible places and kept in the nursery. My entire confinement was spent with eerie silence and plenty of tears.
These memories kept haunting me last Tuesday. The fact that I felt a little under the weather didn’t help. I was so worried that I would catch a fever right before giving birth and it would cause complications. I spent most of the night at home alone, trying not to think yet my mind refused to let me go.
I listened to the worship song “It Is Well” by Bethel Music again and again that night, and it has become the ‘theme song’ for baby number two. The lyrics spoke so much to me – they reminded me of how God has carried me through the loss of Alexa, how He has been with me throughout my pregnancy with baby number two, and assured me of how He will continue to be with me for the birth and beyond.
Midnight came, and the hubby and I checked ourselves into the hospital. By now I was relatively calmer, and was allowing myself to feel a little bit of the excitement. But I also conveniently remembered the pain that I would have to go through (yikes). The midwife came to check on my dilation, which was about 2-3 cm at 12.30am. And then… she asked me to rest! The induction would only start four hours later. The hubby and I were like, er ok… We ended up spending the time watching the TV in the labour room.
At 4am, she came back in to check on my dilation, which was the same, and she started the induction process. IMMEDIATELY (like 2 seconds after that), my contractions shot up both in pain and frequency. By 6am, I was in terrible pain, and I was beginning to feel like I want to pee (when you’re in labour and baby is going down, you would feel like peeing and pooping). The hubby and the midwife convinced me to take the mild pain killer injection – the same one I took before with Alexa – but I told the midwife that I would progress super fast once I take that injection, and that my gynae must be on standby.
She asked me how quickly did I dilate to 10cm after taking the injection the last time, and I told her it was an hour. So right after giving me the jab, she proceeded to prepare everything for the delivery. That was 6.30am, and I was 4cm dilated.
By 7.20am, I told her that I had an urgent need to push! She told me to hang on, that doctor has arrived at the hospital but was still preparing to come up to the labour room. I tried waiting for awhile, and then I told another midwife that I really really really felt like I couldn’t hold it in much longer. That midwife checked me and said I was almost 10cm, just needed to wait for one more contraction for it to be fully opened. That contraction came and gone, and then she said, “Oh, your water bag has not yet burst. Wait ah let me check with doctor if she wants to burst it.”
And I was like, “WHAT! STILL NEED TO HOLD?!”
Fortunately, she came back to me within seconds and told me that it’s alright to start pushing, because the water bag will burst by its own. Those words were such relief to my ears. And so the pushing began!
It was definitely more difficult and more painful than I remembered. But by the time I was pushing, my doctor was with me, and a few more midwives also came in to cheer me on. Man, it was like having a team of cheerleaders! And it really helped!
After pushing like mad, before I realised it, my team of cheerleaders were congratulating me and baby number two was placed in my arms at 7.45am. I looked at her and marvelled, and all I could say was, “Hello baby.” The hubby said I teared when I looked at baby number two, but all I could remember thinking was, she is alive. Thank You Jesus.
A few seconds later, she screamed and kicked, and the hubby looked at me and said, “She is a screamer. Well, we did pray for her to be kicking and screaming!”
I spent the rest of the day in the ward feeling extremely drowsy and groggy (after-effects of the pain killer injection), but so relieved that baby number two is finally out alive and well. And that we got to go home with this little one. And now my confinement month is filled with sleepless nights and baby cries.
Looking at her little tiny body, I suddenly realised that I have no idea how to take care of this little mini human entrusted to me, but I will do my best. Thank You Father for this beautiful gift. She’s my beloved, my baby Amy.
Thank you all for your constant prayer and support throughout this pregnancy. You all have been cheering me on and believing with me, and it really meant a lot to me. Baby Amy and I are extremely blessed.
Mother’s Day is just around the corner, and this year would mark my 2nd celebration as a mom. Motherhood is by far the greatest privilege and role I have taken on, and nothing else can even compare to it.
The hubby and I have been thinking about trying for another child. I would love to be able to have another baby, and to give Amy a younger sibling to play with. In fact, in my ideal world, Amy would have TWO more younger siblings! (The me 10 years ago would have fainted at that. Never would I have thought that I would love having children!)
Having said that, I am also completely contented if Amy were the only one with us. She is God’s gift to us, and has brought so much joy to our lives. I am already very grateful to have her.
Thinking of going through another pregnancy has reopened the floodgates of emotions, but at the same time, I am also quite excited about adding another member to our little family.
Well, I guess all we can do is try, and if God gives, God gives.
On that note, happy Mother’s Day to all fellow mamas!