This week, I’ve been thinking about my daddy a lot. I just keep having flashbacks of certain moments with him: him walking with the hubby and I to lunch near his office; him coming down the stairs when we visit him at home; him playing games till late at night (and me watching the game right by his side, trying not to scream when the zombies came up);
One of the things that excite us about Melbourne is the outdoor life. Even before we moved here, the hubby and I were talking about going to Melbourne parks every other weekend. So last weekend, we made a visit to the Royal Botanic Gardens Victoria, specifically for the Ian Potter Foundation Children’s Garden.
I was having a conversation with my older sister about trying for babies. She, out of genuine concern for me, asked if I thought this was the right time, since our finances are not exactly in a good shape at the moment.
This is actually not a new or unique concern. Financial situation has always been one of the main considerations for families who are planning for kids. And it usually is also the reason many hold off expanding their family.
Well, if you ask me, of course it is not the right time to have kids when our finances are down.
But then again, when would be the right time?
When our finances are good? But what is good? What is enough? And what if it never becomes good? Or what if it takes years to become good? Or what if, just as it becomes good, it becomes bad? We can never tell what’s in store and what would happen in the future.
Should we wait and keep on putting off having kids, with the hope that we will one day finally be financially good enough to have kids?
I admit that financial problems are real, and the strain can be paralysing. Sometimes the hubby and I feel so anxious, not knowing how we are going to survive the next month. We also feel inadequate, that we are not able to pamper Amy with all sorts of toys and clothes. We don’t even dare to think about the sorts of classes or schools that we would love to send her to.
But yet, I do not believe we should put off having kids until everything is fine and dandy.
One reason being, we will never know when everything will be good. How long do you want to wait? 5 years? 10 years?
Secondly, even when you are well financially, it doesn’t mean you can have kids when you want.
Having kids is a blessing from God, and can not be planned or created by man.
No matter how tough it is, money can be earned. But life cannot be made just like that.
I have friends who come from really big families. Their parents were not well to do at all, but they still went ahead to have many kids, and they survived! In fact, all their kids are doing very well today.
On the other hand, I also have friends who are very well to do, but they cannot have children no matter how hard they try and no matter how much medical help they go for.
Closer to home, the hubby and i were doing superbly well financially 4 years ago. So so well. But that didn’t guarantee Alexa staying alive.
Now we are not doing well at all, but Amy is with us and she brings us so much joy.
So, when is the right time?
I feel there is none. It is really up to you and your spouse. When your heart is ready. Let your internal, and not the external conditions, dictate your family life.