My last Edge TV

“Hi church! Welcome to HTV!”

That was how it was 11 years ago. Now, it’s known as “Edge TV”. I’ve been hosting and serving in this Edge TV ministry for 11 years. I still remember when my church first started this, it was a ‘according to flow’ thing. It would just be me and the camerawoman, and we would ask the church staff what announcements they wanted to be featured. Then I just had to plan my script as I went along.

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Fourth Mother’s Day

This year’s my fourth Mother’s Day celebration as a mummy.

The first year was an awkward and sad one, as I had just lost Alexa. I was between wanting to be recognized as a mother and not be recognized as a mother. It was a very confusing and angry moment.

The next year onwards, I had Amy, and this year, I have Alistair too.

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I have become an oxymoron

I first posted this on my Facebook and it seems to have resonated with a lot of people, so I’m posting it here on my blog too!

I want to work, but I want to stay home with my kids.

I want to pursue my dreams, but they are also my dreams.

I want my own life, but they are also my life.

I need time away, but I miss them.

I want someone else to take care of them because I’m exhausted, but I worry all the time and only trust myself to take care of them.

I want them to grow faster so that we can be out of this madness sooner. But I also wish that they would not grow up so fast because this is a precious moment.

I complain about how crazy they make me. But I also go on and on about how adorable they are and how proud I am of them.

I want to scream at them. But I also want to hug and kiss them.

I thank God every day that I have them. But sometimes I wonder what have I gotten myself into.

I feel two is more than I am able to handle. Yet sometimes I kinda want more.

Yep. I have become an oxymoron. And if you relate to the above, you are most likely a mom too.

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

Love,

Natalie

To have a sibling

What do you do when your child is jealous of another sibling?

Amy has sometimes been having bouts of jealousy. It is not all the time, but sometimes she gets upset. She gets upset when I carry Alistair. She gets upset when I feed him. She would demand that I put him down and carry her instead, or play with her instead.

At times I am able to reason with her. At times I am able to distract her. But sometimes I have to just let her cry. And sometimes I would end up scolding her.

One night, while I was putting her to bed and was in the midst of telling her stories, I could hear Alistair crying really loudly downstairs. My in-laws were tending to him, so I continued telling Amy stories. Unfortunately, Alistair’s crying did not stop, but only grew louder. I couldn’t concentrate on my storytelling.

Finally, I couldn’t take it any more, and I looked at Amy with pleading eyes. “Amy, Alistair is crying really badly downstairs. I think Mama needs to go down to see what is wrong. Mama will get yeh yeh to come up and tell you stories OK? He will tell you the story of the eagle that catches the little black chicken OK? (it’s one of the stories he always tells her)”

Her brows furrowed as if she was in deep thought, just for a second, before she put on a big smile and said, “Yeh yeh tell story about robot who is looking for apple tree!”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “OK I’ll tell yeh yeh to tell you story of the robot who is looking for apple tree.”

I kissed her forehead and thanked her for being such an understanding sister. As I walked out of the room door, I stole a glance at her, and saw that she was looking at me walk out. My heart ached a little, yet, I was also immensely proud of her.

She is not even 3 years old. I know it takes a lot from her to share her mama and to be a big sis.

How do I choose between my children? How do I give the same of myself to both when they both need me? It seems as though whatever I do, I can’t escape the mummy guilt.

But I remind myself: very soon, Alistair will be bigger and they will be able to play together. They will read together. They will laugh together. They will fight together (please let this be few and far in between. Yeah right.). They will grow together. They will have each other.

The relationship between siblings will never be the same as the relationship between a parent and a child. A sibling can journey life with you in a way that a parent can never do.

I pray that they will have a strong sister-brother relationship. That they will love each other and always protect each other. That they will be kind to each other and always be genuine and sincere. That they will support each other through ups and downs, and walk through life together.

 

Love,

Natalie

One More Day

Pictures from City Harvest Church KL 

I always feel that it’s a privilege to be able to be part of my church’s drama productions.

My passion for acting has grown over the years. I get very excited every time I learn something new or when I get a new “revelation” about acting. Acting, to me, is now more than just being on stage and getting the limelight. Acting is now about being committed to telling someone else’s story, and conveying the message to the audience.

Recently, more than just acting, I got to be more involved in terms of conceptualizing, planning, scripting and training. And I love it. If acting is about one character’s story, being involved in the entire process is about telling the entire story as a whole. How do I even begin to explain the excitement that it gives me?

“One More Day” was the Easter drama at my church last month. The story carried a certain heaviness as it centred around a man who was approaching death. It was inspired by Mitch Albom’s “Tuesdays with Morrie”.

Being entrusted to train my drama ministry members is a great pleasure as well. Even though they see me as the one teaching them, I find myself learning more every time I teach. As I try to share with them whatever I have learned through training workshops and books and observation, my own understanding about the craft and art of acting becomes clearer and stronger.

I am extremely proud of how far the actors have come, from the crazy rehearsals to the actual performance. They had a lot of pressure and a lack of time, but still they delivered beautifully.

We are now working on another upcoming drama production, and this time, we have a lot of new and young cast. I am excited to get another chance to teach and be involved in this whole process of storytelling, and I will definitely miss it when it ends.

 

Love,

Natalie

The launch of The White Atelier

Last weekend was a memorable weekend, as we celebrated the launch of Careen’s bridal boutique, The White Atelier!

I still remember our talks from years back, when she shared about her little dream of having her own boutique. At that time, it was nothing but an idea and she had no idea (pun unintended) if it would ever happen. But look at her today! I’m so proud of her, and am so inspired too.

The White Atelier offers more than just beautiful gowns at a beautiful place; most importantly, it offers brides-to-be a beautiful experience.

Sorry I don’t have a lot of pictures. In fact, I didn’t even take any pictures. All the pictures in this post are from Captured Gladness haha #failblogger

 

For more on The White Atelier, check out their website and their Instagram. And no, this is not a sponsored post. I just feel that, good things must share!

I am very blessed to be surrounded by women of great courage, strength, perseverance and faith. Looking at the picture above, every woman there has an inspiring story to tell, and most of them have impacted me one way or another.

The next few weeks will be extremely busy for me, and something exciting is coming up! Will talk more about that when the time is right.

Have a great week, and keep chasing your dreams!

 

Love,

Natalie

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