Being stretched

Taking care of a sick toddler is no joke.

Taking care of a sick toddler while 5 months pregnant is crazy.

Taking care of a sick toddler while 5 months pregnant while juggling two jobs and other projects is madness.

I completely salute moms with more kids and more responsibilities.

Amy seldom falls sick, but she did last Thursday. It started off with quite a high fever, which subsided after two days. The doctor said it could be a viral infection. We took a blood test, and I will get the result tomorrow.

In the mean time, she has no more fever, but I guess she’s experiencing an overall discomfort. She seems to cough a little especially when sleeping too. But here’s the thing – she refuses to cough. Since she was a baby, she always tries to swallow her coughs back. And you and I know that when you try not to cough, sometimes it gets worse.

So she would try to swallow her coughs back, and then she would cry. And when she cries, it aggravates the cough. Last night, she ended up throwing up all over herself and me because of her cries and coughs. And she just wouldn’t stay still even while throwing up. She would be kicking and throwing a tantrum, while I was carrying her. Which means, she was effectively bouncing on my pregnant belly.

Since she fell sick, she has also become exceptionally clingy to me. Everything must be done by mama. Everything must be with mama. Mama must be the one who carries her. In other circumstances, I guess I would be flattered. But instead, I am flat out exhausted.

I have been carrying her almost the whole day for the past few days, and I had to do everything for her. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, I had to be there for her. No one else will do.

Not only am I tired, I am also worried. Would I be over-exerting myself? Would it harm baby number 3?

Yet, how can I turn my daughter away? Especially when she is not well? Especially when there’s no one else who would and could step in?

At times like this, I sometimes wonder what have I gotten myself into. Why did I have kids? And why did I get myself pregnant again? Can I really do this? Do I really want to do this?

Then I get so guilty that I even had such thoughts. Me, of all people, should be so thankful for my children. Having gone through the pain of losing one, how can I even allow a little inconvenience, a little exhaustion, a little stress and a little annoyance, to make me regret having kids?

So then I remind myself, that this too shall pass. It might be stressful, it might be tough, it might drive me crazy (for a while), but this too shall pass.

And at the end of the day, it’s about these little miracles called children that God has given to me. I will have to expand my capacity. I will have to learn to manage. I will love them, and appreciate them.

Because if I don’t, then who will?

I will do my best to raise these little the ones the best I can. I want to instil the right principles and values to them. I want to show them that love is the strongest when it’s inconvenient, and patience is the most needed when it’s challenging.




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