Many have been referring to this baby as baby number two.
I usually just let them, although my mind would do an autocorrect every time they say that, and it would whisper “number three”.
It is quite a complex situation. In many ways, Amy does seem to be my only child and my first, so it’s natural for people to refer to this new baby as the second one. Yet, Alexa has, is and always will be my firstborn.
I find myself thinking about Alexa a lot since I got pregnant. Partly due to the fear and worry, yes. But partly because I wonder, how would it have been like to have three kids running around.
Week 14 – second trimester! I guess my nausea and evening sickness is somewhat improving? I can’t really tell yet, because some days I still feel really nauseous and tired.
It sometimes slips my mind that I am with child, because of my toddler demanding for my attention all the time. That, on top of my two part time jobs and other projects. Unlike when I was pregnant with Amy, I now do not have the luxury of sleeping in (or sleeping all the time), of taking things slow, or of just chilling because I want to.
No matter how tired or even nauseous I am, I still have a 2-year-old to feed, to play with, to read to, to bathe, to pray with, to sing with, to carry, and to tuck into bed.
It leaves me exhausted, and sometimes emotionally drained. Yet, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
In fact, sometimes I would be seized by this ridiculous sense of sadness, knowing that Amy soon wouldn’t be the only one at the centre of attention. She would have to learn to share, not just her toys, but all of us. I wouldn’t be able to be there just for her. I would have to be there for her sibling too.
At the same time, I look forward to that. I can’t wait to see her meet and play with her sibling. I pray every day that they will get along and be better than good friends for life.
So many contrasting emotions!
As for baby number three, I can’t wait to feel his/her movements! Right now I look like I’m 5 months pregnant, so sometimes I catch myself acting as though I’m 5 months pregnant haha! But actually, baby is still the size of a lemon.
Every day I am thankful for this life growing on the inside of me. I pray and pray and pray that he/she will continue to thrive inside my womb, that he/she will grow and develop healthily and normally, that he/she will be born alive and well at term.